Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Urgent Report!

Current side effects of Cocaine
While I tend to stick to one lesson at a time, I feel a civic responsibility to alert you to a new and alarming event. Cocaine, party drug of choice for many groups, has recently been cited as the cause of a flesh eating disease in several cases.
In a case study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology, Craft describes six cocaine users recently plagued by the dark purple patches of dying flesh. And while they happened to hail from the country's coastlines, the problem is national.
Apparently upwards of 80% of the seized and tested American coke supply has the drug levamisole in it. Levamisole is a drug used by veterinarians to deworm livestock. Unfortunately, some people's immune systems are having extreme reactions to the coke additive. It is cause the flesh of their bodies to die and decay.

I had never considered cocaine as the cause of the zombie apocalypse, but we must remain ever vigilant! If you are a cocaine user, which is not something I condone, I'd recommend laying off for a while until this mess has been sorted. I would hate to know that some of the potential survivors didn't make it because the had a penchant for the cause of the Zplague.

Please, be careful. Don't let your vices turn you into a zombie.


To learn more, check out the articles on ABC and the Huffington Post:

No Escape

One of the biggest mistakes a person can make in a zombie survival situation is to hide in a building with only one entrance or exit. If there is only one way in, you have no way to get out if your adversaries find you. While easy to defend, it is also impossible to leave. With that thought in mind we get to today's topic, escape routes.

And now you're stuck.
The second thing a person should do upon entering ANY room or building is identify an alternative way out. You must be able to get out if the way gets blocked with debris. Forgetting the zombies for a moment, if there is only one way out and it gets blocked you are stuck. This is, obviously, undesirable. You can no longer get out for food, water or supplies. An area with only one entrance is a good way to starve yourself to death.

If we add in the danger of zombies we see an even higher priority for alternative egress. You do not want to be forced to fight your way through hordes of zombies just to get out of the room you're in. You or your group need an alternative escape route. This should be the second thing you identify when entering an area. The first is, of course, whether there are any zombies in said area.

Beware falling debris.
Do not limit this to doors. Windows can be very effective escape routes if you are on the ground floor and you have a tool capable of removing the glass from the window. (See Crowbars) Windows are also viable if there is a fire escape. Always be careful with fire escapes. If in a group, send multiple people (never move alone) to scout out the fire escape and evaluate it as a an escape route. Beware of heading to roofs. The roof is one of the ultimate single exit areas. While, yes, technically they have an unlimited number of escape routes, those escape routes inevitably end with a step out into thin air. It will get you off the roof. It will NOT get you off the roof safely.

Always locate your exits.
Ideally you will confine yourself to areas with multiple doors exiting in different directions. Dozens of doors are not desirable. You want to be able to hold the room if needed. Three is an excellent number. Two is acceptable. Any more than four and you have an area that is very hard to fortify. If you decide to stay in an area, block up any entrance to your area that does not make an effective escape route. The last thing you want is to leave a gaping hole in your defense that zombies can come slithering through.

So remember, always check your exits. Sometimes it's better to move on and check the next building than to hole up in a building you can't get out of. Luckily, most buildings in America are required to have multiple exits.

Monday, June 27, 2011

As the Crow Pries

Survival, the tool.
It's small, heavy, hard and versatile. A crowbar is a singularly useful tool in a post apocalyptic world. It's like a baseball bat, a doorbell, a doorknob, a hammer, a bottle opener and a back scratcher, all in one! So today we will discuss the merits of carrying a crowbar with you when the zombies come.

Well, there is only so much you can say about a crowbar without repeating yourself, but it boils down to this. A crowbar is a metal hook with blades on both ends that can kill zombies and open doors. Do you really need more than that?

Friday, June 24, 2011

If the Shoe Fits...

Good morning class. I know in the past we've covered mechanical monstrosities on fridays, but due to several (many) persuasive letters we will be discontinuing Robo-Defense Fridays. Instead we will continue with our regular subject matter. To that end I give you today's topic.


These will help you survive.
Proper footwear is essential if you expect to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Now, I know everyone has their favorite pair of old, comfy shoes, but they aren't going to cut it. The footwear you are equipped with will need to stand much more punishment, and offer a lot more protection, than what you are most likely currently wearing. You will be traversing not only post apocalyptic urban environments, but also rural, forested and possibly beach or water environments as well, depending on your location. Your footwear needs to be able to take a beating. Shards of glass and nails will be commonplace. Your footwear needs to provide protection. You don't want zombie blood soaking through your shoes.

Military issue combat boots work well for this. Old, broken in ones for preference. You don't want new shoes or boots in the event you need to run or walk miles. Blisters will quickly make any journey miserable, and nobody wants to be running around like a monkey with potatoes for feet. . So get your boots, steel-toed, leather, whatever your preference, and wear them. By the time you NEED to wear them you want your shoes to fit like a glove.

Great for climbing.
Terrible for fighting Zombies.
Another option that many people are fond of are Vibrum Five Fingers. While I am a fan of this type of shoe, I can't recommend it for survival where you need foot protection. Yes, they are very comfortable, but they give no protection whatsoever. No matter how much you love them, move on. Get some boots.

For the love of god, don't wear sandals. I myself am a fan of the sandals. I wear them most days, but I always have a pair of boots and my vibrums in the Jeep. In an emergency I have the footwear I need at my disposal. If you are stuck with sandals in the event of a zombie uprising, do yourself a favor. Lose them. Just throw them away. Maybe put them in your bag (You know. The bag of supplies and tools you keep packed in your car or closet in case of a zombie outbreak. You do have that...right?) if you have room. Your best bet if caught in sandals is to procure new footwear as soon as possible.

If you think this is good for running you are not worth saving.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Bucking the System

In our last lecture we discussed the lack of planning governments have done for the upcoming zombie attacks. Specifically, we talked about the government of Leicester, UK. In a move that makes me proud to be a human being, the residents of Leicester and surrounding areas organized a Flash Mob to demonstrate the need for proper ZPlague contingency plans. No violence ensued, thankfully. The flash mobbers, costumed as zombies, trudged half a mile through the city streets, from the clocktower to the city council building. There they pressed themselves up against the glass, moaning and groaning.

A member of the mob in Leicester.
I believe the city council may have missed the point, however, for they found the demonstration amusing. Amusement is much preferred to how the demonstration could have turned out. All it takes is one man prepared to survive to turn such a demonstration into a slaughter. So while I respect this group for the lengths they went to, please, practice safe demonstration. While I recommend everyone raise awareness for the coming storm in their communities and governments, I heartily urge you not to do it dressed like zombies. We don't want any of the possible survivors killed before the zombies even arrive.

If you are interested in reading the article about the flash mob, head on over to the

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Queen's Zombies

As we've discussed before, the CDC plan for a zombie incursion is grossly inadequate. Governments cannot take a wait and see approach. We need proactive defenses. That is why you are here. You wish to learn. You want to survive. You are intelligent. I've recently learned about a group who is not.

Today, the BBC, who are finally waking up the the looming threat of zombies, reported on the plans of one county in England in the case of an outbreak of the Z Plague. It turns out they don't have one.
A worried member of the public has forced Leicester City Council to admit it is unprepared for a zombie invasion.
A Concerned Citizen
A concerned citizen wrote the City Council with a freedom of information request concerning their plans in the event of a zombie outbreak. This intelligent and forward thinking Brit is serving his country well. Now that citizens of Leicester City know there is no government plan they can set about organizing themselves and their community to pick up the slack where their government is failing them.

The full text of his request is as follows:
Dear Leicester City Council,
Can you please let us know what provisions you have in place in the event of a zombie invasion? Having watched several films it is clear that preparation for such an event is poor and one that councils throughout the kingdom must prepare for.
Please provide any information you may have.
Yours faithfully,
Concerned Citizen
I suggest you follow this patriot's lead and find out what your local government's plan for a zombie attack is. If you find yourself in an area with a government that doesn't care if it's citizens become mindless drones, organize yourself and your community. Set plans with your neighbors. Make sure you have supplies stored and weapons ready. Host an open community forum. Do anything you can to raise awareness!

We can survive this! Humans are smart and resourceful. Don't let your government's lack of planning cause the death of yourself or your loved ones. Protect yourself. Stay Prepared. Stay Strong! Survive!

To read the BBC coverage head to the BBC News site.