Friday, January 28, 2011

Robo Defense Fridays

We all know the dangers of zombies. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. They are a scourge that will attack and destroy. We know this. We accept it, but we cannot become complacent or inattentive to other threats. Recently there have been enormous advances in the field of robotics.

Some very foolish people believe that robots will make our lives better. They believe we can craft a race of artificially intelligent slaves that will work with no thoughts of their own. They could be very wrong. I'm not saying they are. I'm just saying we need to be prepared for the day the machine mind rises up against it's human overlord and master.

Because of this, every Friday we will be concentrating on robots, their ongoing evolution and how to stop them. On this, the first of our Robo Defense Fridays, I would like to direct your attention to the latest "advancement" of our potential adversaries.

Meet the Super Robust Robot Hand. It may try to kill you.

This mechanical monstrosity is actually built to be able to withstand being hit with a baseball bat. I'm including a video of the absolutely amazing and terrifying technology for your education. Know you potential enemies.

IEEE Spectrum has a wonderful article going in depth into the technology if you are interested in learning more.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Today I was going to discuss supplies and supplying yourself for the oncoming zombie storm. A natural event occurred last night that changed my plans. As a resident of Washington D.C. I live in a city that is not prepared for snow. That got me thinking about the effects of snow on zombies.

Zombies, being creatures without higher brain function, are ill suited to cold weather. Your average zombie is not going to stop and put on a coat. I know many people will say, "But they're already dead!" If there is a functioning brain, even one without higher brain function, there has to be some blood flowing. Even if there isn't, flesh freezes. The other thing to keep in mind is that the body is more than 50% water. The cold presents a real danger to zombies. They will be slower. They will be stiffer. They may be frozen solid. This is when your simple weapon comes in handy. Zombies will be more delicate in the cold. Smash them. Because they pose less danger then usual, the cold gives you an unmatched chance to improve your zombie killing technique. Use the time given to you to prepare for the spring.

The real danger comes when you find people who were bitten while wearing winter clothes. They won't be impeded by the cold. In that instance you need to fall back on standard zombie survival practices. Be careful. Be cautious. Be safe.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Weapon Choice

Staying alive is our main goal. Other than the necessities needed for survival in any scenario (food, water, shelter,) there is one additional tool that is absolutely essential. The one thing without which we will never survive the zombie attack.

We need a weapon.

Now, weapons can be simple. They can be complex. It could be a flame throwing chainsaw rocket launcher (unlikely and impractical. Also doesn't exist, which is a problem.) It could be an M4. It could even be a baseball bat. Almost anything can be fashioned into a weapon in an emergency. It is, however, better to be prepared.

For our purposes there are two classes of weapons. Simple and Complex. A complex weapon is something like a gun. It has many moving parts. More often than not it requires ammunition of some sort. They tend to be extremely effective against zombies and are the weapons of choice for a short zombie engagement. 

Simple weapons are things like baseball bats, crowbars or swords. Handheld, heavy or sharp implements that you can swing and do serious damage with. This class is the better choice for extended survival. While they may not be as destructive as the complex weapons, and you have to be in close range to use them, they have the benefit of never, ever running out of ammunition. A baseball bat doesn't jam. A crowbar won't misfire. More importantly, most people are comfortable using a simple weapon.

We will go in depth with each of the weapons at a later date. For now, your homework is to start thinking about a weapon you are comfortable with, complex or simple. Look around your home and see if there is something you could turn into a weapon for fending off zombies. If there isn't, you need to consider making a purchase.

Remember, this is your life we're talking about.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

It's Coming

It's coming. You know it. I know it. Even the Mayans knew it.

The Zombie Plague is coming and there is nothing you can do to stop it. That doesn't mean you have to find yourself helpless and without defenses during these upcoming trials of humanity. You can't prevent the Zombie Plague, but with my help you can survive. Through a combination of training, education and equipment you can keep from becoming one of the mindless hordes obsessed with nothing but your next taste human brains.